Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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