sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
