I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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