He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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