every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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