I think my vagina is haunted
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
