I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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