I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
