i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
