He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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