I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
