im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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