if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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