Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.