um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo