Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.