What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.