tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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