yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
