I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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