mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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