Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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