No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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