when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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