Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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