Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
