Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
