o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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