If that was your dad, he is hot
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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