I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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