it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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