Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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