last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
