so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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