my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am available for nakedness
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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