Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
