evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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