we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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