a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
