Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Rumble strips road head = magical
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
