Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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