I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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