I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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