Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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