He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
