Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
