Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
