even my farts smell like vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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