Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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