i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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