why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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