I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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