i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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